Thursday, July 12, 2012

Fifty Shades of Grey plus Steak Stoopid

Hello again everyone,

There have been several articles that could have been posted here of late, but for this post I have been waiting for something that really spoke to me as being remarkably stupid to continue with the tradition the right way...luckily for all of us, I have finally found my muse.  You know the drill...I find the stoopid in the news and make fun of it, so without further adieu....

Boyfriend assaults girlfriend with steak sauce over ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

Haha....awesome.  Alright, here is the rundown if you are lazy and don't want to read the article right away.  A man assaulted his girlfriend by attacking her with a bottle of steak sauce because she had been reading "Fifty Shades of Grey".  Yes, this actually happened, although it did happen in the UK which makes it slightly less surprising.

First, to the author of the article....for shame.  Within the first sentence you use the obvious pun of "sauciness" to describe Fifty Shades of Grey.  I understand that, at times, puns are unavoidable and/or irresistible, but there is already a bunch to make fun of need for puns.

Second, really dude?  You honestly thought that Fifty Shades of Grey was so pornographic and distasteful that you had to go over to her place, slap her in the face, and then treat her like you would an overdone steak from Ruby Tuesday's?  Aside from the fact that you are scum of the earth for assaulting a woman, making a bottle of A1 an accessory to a felony is low.  Plus....who the hell carries around a bottle of steak sauce?  Its like he opened his glove box, saw the bottle, and was like "I never thought I would have to use this....but she leaves me no choice".  

Finally, to the chick.  First, sorry you got assaulted, that probably sucked.  More importantly, Fifty Shades of Grey is beyond terrible.  Its shoddily written and obviously just an attempt to get your juices flowing as a female while still being mainstream enough to be accepted by the public at large.  Its basically the next evolution of Twilight....S&M and all.  You probably do deserve to have some Heinz 57 dumped on your head if you enjoy reading that crap.  Join every other freedom-loving internet user and download your kinky porn at 1 am.